Reminded How to Feel

Sometimes someone comes into our lives to let us know what we’ve been missing.

Throughout my adventure in the written word, reflection has been my most common genre in my portfolio. One could suspect that I would know myself well by reading any post on here or any poem in my poetry book, and normally I would agree with anyone who believed that sentiment, but I don’t know myself as well as I think I do.

I’ve always believed I’ve had a higher capacity to feel than others, which I still believe to be true to some extent. What I have recently learned is that while I always have had this capability to feel greater than others, only now is that potential being realized. Any feelings that I have ever felt prior to these past few weeks were all infinitesimal compared to those I hold in my heart now.

I’ve always towed the line of introversion, shying away from going to parties or bars without the company of Alex or Garrett, but that vanished this past weekend. I went out on Dickson Street in Fayetteville accompanied by a beautiful girl and great conversation. The music was loud, but not quite intrusive. The alcohol fostered more open conversation and worked its magic slowly eroding away the surface of awkwardness.

I’ve always longed for a relationship while possessing some sort of fear of commitment. I dispelled any notion of that fear after meeting her parents, her best friends, and then introducing her to my friends. I have no intention of looking back now.

Somewhere between walking on eggshells and throwing caution to the wind, I’m walking on a wire between logic and emotion. This is the most balanced I’ve been in my life between the two, and it’s easier than ever this time. My feelings aren’t too suppressed and they aren’t too overwhelming.

It is only fitting that the first time feeling this way comes with such a one-of-a-kind girl. These feelings are those I have felt before in an extremely diluted state. She reminded me what it meant to feel, and then exponentially increased my capacity to do so with a shimmer in her eyes and a welcoming, angelic smile.

She has yet to leave my mind. She has nestled her way into my brain and cozied up in the motor car on my train of thought. She is the conductor to where my mind wanders, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

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